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my face turns to stone

nadia is sick. she is dying. i don't know if she is really dying or not, but.
she is dying.

she is in the ICU. her body is poisoning itself. it is shutting down. her kidneys, her pancreas, respitory failure, fever, it's endless.

i don't know what to do, what to think. i'm two hours away, and i will stay two hours away. i do not want to go back there, do not want to see her in a medically indiced coma, laying there, helpless, hooked up to machine, the hopsital smell, the beeps, the silence.

my family and all of her useless fucking friends have been there since sunday, doing nothing. sitting around crying. they sit, and they cry.

there is nothing we can do.

i am waiting, i am dreading the call. i am waiting on them to call me and say, "she's gone. she's dead."
but i am also waiting for somebody to call and say, "she's awake. she's doing better. come home, come see her."

in times like this, you should try to stay positive, but i can't. how do you bounce back from your body?

one day you're fine, the next minute you're in a coma.

i know nobody reads this, but. take care of yourseves. life your life. stop waiting to do something. just do it, no matter how afraid you are, no matter how many people tell you not to. life is too fucking short to just sit around doing nothing. crying.

on top of that, i'm sick. i have two weeks left of school and a shit ton of stuff to do. i am distracted. i am not well. i am a lot of things.

wow typos

i realized that i have several typos in my last posts. i want to change them so bad, want to fix them but oh well. i know exactly what i was saying/meant and i want to leave everything as is. is that weird?

more wet girls are coming inside. it's cold as shit outside lol. what is going on?

class of 3000, sing!

does anybody remember lass of 3000? does anybody remember HOW AMAZING it was?

freshmen year i spent all my time playing funkbox and wathing eps. when it was cancelled, i was upset, but all my favorite cartoons always get cancelled.

but man oh man, this show was atually doing positive things, it was funny and silly and a perfect kids cartoon and making the most beautiful and innovative music, and it's gone, and i want to back right now =(




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omg i have to add more!







it's everywhere i go. in my classes. in my dorms. on the internet. seriously FUCKING RESEARCH! how hard is it to use google? to go to the goddamn library? to NOT watch fox news?

my head is going to explode. it is going. to. explode.

and you know what? i can't do a damn thing about it.

o i c

so i finally watched series 2 of skins and i am...severely disappointed.



okay, they killed chris, jal got her abortion, wtf @ tony and michelle, WHY DID THEY DO THAT TO SKETCH SHE WAS SO FIERCE, and did sid find cassie? he was RIGHT THERE. did he see her?

and i do not approve of the final scene of effy. idk, i like her. but she is creepy and she cannot possibly be as interesting as her older brother and his friends...can she?

i love ths shit out of this show, but britan's way of only having like two seasons and moving, although keeping it fresh, is kind of arrrgh. you get involved with the characters, you love them, and then they leave! mad crazy. but i suppose i'll watch. as long as pandora comes back to spend some time with effy. "i'm looking at tony's cock, mum."

priceless, really.

so i'm gonna use my chris 'fuck it' icon because that scene with him and jal was quite possibly, the cutest scene in the history of television. they are my OTP. well, if he were still alive.

in case you care....

myfavoritewords = ohelectricshocks


that is all.

we set it on fire

i choose to believe at least one is gay. the video is amazing and beautiful.

i wish i was british. i wish i could go back to london. i know i'm gonna have to look into during a semester abroad when i go back to school, now. seeing as though i've decided not to change my major from creative writing, it's more likely that i will be able to. and that makes me so very happy.

i feel like i'm taking crazy pills!


i have heard it before. i remember the girl part. i downloaded their album today, and i am freaking out. I KNOW i've heard it before, i had that instant feeling know.


i googled it but nothing turned up. of course this is going to drive me crazy.

the album is gorgeous, btw. like french art brut. dig it.

i also downloaded danity kane's welcome to the dollhouse due to my mother and little sister playing it CONSTANTLY. i am now obsessed. WHY DIDN'T THEY MAKE SECRET PLACE A FULL SONG?! it's my fav. =(


i'm working on it. it's tough. i want it to be perfect!

like a flashback with a twist

fandom + bandon = what???

[chris lip syncing to a "nine in the aftertoon" at some random radio station, idk.]

i am so terribly bored. i have to leave the house tommorrow. i HAVE TO.

i have downloaded all sorts of disgusting things for my sims to do. they bang in the shower! give blowjobs! use a vibrator! i feel bad, my little brother is officially not allowed to play anymore, lol. until i take it all off. it's definitely...interesting. my gay sims are all over that shiz. it's cute.

blarrggghhh i am so uninteresting! i am also bored, did i mention that? but isn't that the story of my life?

off to watch skins! yay skins!

yeah, so...

i am an idiot.

me and my little sister are currently sitting here...watching porn on the ten channel.

why, you ask?

because i am stupid.

we're trying to figure out the new channel alignment, ad were talking about ppv and the like, when she said how her and my mom couldn't order some wrestling thing for tarik, and i was all 'oh didn't you enter the code, what's the code?

like a dumbass, i entered the 0000, thinking it wouldn't work, that maybe the code was changed...

yeah. it wasn't.

i feel like a fucking idiot, latia is LOL'ing at me, but hey. it cost $12.99 and we're watching it, damnit. i called my mom immediately and told her, and of course she's pissed, (probably beause she went from the airport straight to work) but i needed her to know it was an accident, and that i am stupid.

free porn, though!

we're making snide comments and generally talking shit about tiny penises, and shitty porn music.